Nobody puts Baby in a corner

After returning from camp, I was immediately thrown back into the responsibilities of work and the fast-paced schedule of the real world.

This made it difficult to process all that transpired throughout those ten crazy, life-altering days. There is so much to say, but in praying through what I should share I felt led to this one moment. This is the story of my “come to Jesus meeting”.

Holy Spirit.

Um gosh. So hard to understand, and even harder to put into words. Listening to Holy Spirit is a lost art, something I could never wrap my mind around.

We learned how to be more intentional with Holy Spirit, how to discern whether it is His voice or not, and how to take what we hear and put it into every day practice.

I witnessed leaders and teammates speaking prophetically to one another.

I saw people express words of encouragement to one another, words that rang deep and true, and very very personal.

Twice I felt led to speak them myself.

And once I heard them. 

 It was that one time, I need to tell you about.

We were at our evening service, experiencing some incredible worship. Emotions were strong and we were doing our thing. Loving Jesus. Loving each other. I was standing next to one of my incredible teammates. Someone who oozes prophetic wisdom and is constantly dripping words from Holy Spirit. Our leaders were praying over him, and he was experiencing a powerfully intimate time with the Lord. I was so happy for him; I even reached out to put a hand on his shoulder.

Without realizing it, doubt began to creep in as I wondered…..”what about me?”

As all of us do, I have insecurities. One of them is a fear of going through life invisible to others. Because I’m soft-spoken I get talked over ALOT, and in fear of looking stupid I rarely raise my voice to be heard. Over time, this has created a deep-seated idea that I will pass through this world unnoticed. By people, by society, even by God.

At the present time, I didn’t realize any of this. I have a knack for dealing with things by shoving them down and ignoring them (super healthy I know). So I continue to stand there, doing my best to worship whole-heartedly. 

I feel a gentle tap on my shoulder, and turn to see Darla, our beautiful coach (she and her husband act as spiritual warriors for our entire squad). She says to me, “I just feel like God wants me to tell you He loves you.” She shrugs a little and adds, “I know you already know that, but I still felt a need to tell you.”

My first thought was….”that’s it? That’s all I get?” Um yah first thing you learn in Sunday School, Jesus loves me this I know. Trying to hide my disappointment I give her a hug and thank her, turning back to face the stage.

I opened my mouth to sing, and before I knew what was happening, I slapped my hand over my lips. Silently, I began to weep. I felt Holy Spirit suddenly reveal Himself to me, and this is what I heard;

Don’t compare yourself to others, you’re on your own journey.

You’re not invisible. 

I see you.

I love you.

And that was it. Suddenly, I saw my fears, my sadness, my inequities. I saw myself in a crowd of people, wanting to stand out, desperate to be seen.

I thought I needed to be raised up on a platform for others to notice and admire, in order to be seen by God. However, instead of elevating me above everyone else, I felt Him kneel down to my level.. leaving me right there in the corner where I stood, He tilted my chin up, He looked me in the eyes and said… “hey, I see you.”

I knew it was true, and that fear that’s controlled me for so long…evaporated.

And I feel a need to tell you…just so there’s no doubt in YOUR mind,

He sees you too. 

photo by Chelsea Van Eck