Read what my medal says: “Courage”

  “You’re the bravest person I know.”

  “A trip like this takes guts.”

  “You are fearless.”

I get these kinds of comments all the time, and if I’m honest, it never gets old.

How could it? I’m just an average girl from a small town, I never imagined an opportunity like this for God to use me in such an incredible capacity. I’ve always dreamed big of course, but over time I resigned myself to a rather unextraordinary life in the background.

So I hear these words, and I don’t argue, feigning a look of humility and eating up every bit of attention.

However, when I stop running around and keeping busy, reality begins to set in. There is so much I’m afraid of…

• Being overwhelmed with homesickness.
• Feeling totally alone in a foreign place.
• Seeing things I can’t unsee… starvation, tragedy, death.
• Being an introvert in the midst of constant community.
• Living in a world behind my tv screen, uncensored and raw.
• Giving up my cherished privacy.
• Being emotionally transparent and vulnerable.
• Leaving everything I’ve ever known.
• So. Many. Tears.
• And my biggest fear…being forever forced out of a life of complacency.                                  

For I know that once I see more of the world outside the US (my safe, luxurious world), I will never again be able to live a wonderfully comfortable, unextraordinary life in the background.

As I tell you about my trip I may seem impassive and carefree. I repeat the facts I know and laugh off any talk of sadness or worry. I like to pretend I’m brave, but that’s all it is, pretend.

It’s so tempting for me to take the credit and glory, but in truth this has nothing to do with me. If it did, I would have quit long ago… 

SO to finally answer you,

I’m absolutely not the bravest person you know, but I trust an omnipotent God. (Isaiah 43:13)

I wouldn’t say I have “guts” to leave, but I do have faith in a loving Father. (1 John 3:1)

And definitely no, I am not fearless, but I love a Savior who will never leave me, nor forsake me. (Deuteronomy 31:6).

And that’s how I know, without a doubt, this is where God wants me to be. Because internally I say “no, please no. I’m not ready yet, I will never be ready…”

But out loud I say bring it on. With God, I say challenge accepted. 

So when something scares you, worries you, or hurts you try to remember; you don’t need to be brave or gutsy, or even courageous. You just need to be faithful, God will take care of the rest.

Matthew 19:26 “And looking at them Jesus said to them,”With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.””