CHOOSE JOY

After a three hour bus ride became almost a six hour trip, our team arrived in Quito exhausted, but eager to begin this time with Inca Link and our new host, Gustavo. We walk into a gorgeous dorm style compound decorated for the holidays and full of young people, bursting with excitement and kindness. We can’t believe are good fortune, we get to stay here for a month?!

We verbally agreed to their contract listing five main concepts; “be here now, challenge by choice, give 110%, love covers all,” and he saved the best for last “CHOOSE JOY.”

Ok sure, easy enough.

The fairytale we had stepped into suddenly came crashing down as Gustavo said “I think there was some miscommunication, you aren’t staying here. You will be leaving for the jungle tomorrow morning.” 

Our hearts sank. I felt a lump form in my throat, and suddenly I wanted to scream and cry and throw a tantrum like an unruly child. Never have I felt so weary, so drained, so desperate for a home…

But we’re expedition right?! Expect the unexpected. Ready for anything. Be adaptable. 

So we agreed of course, but the heavy disappointment was evident on our faces. We looked around at the plush couches, the cozy kitchen, the smiling faces..”what a cruel joke,” I thought to myself. 

JOY.

As I entered into this new season of my journey on the race with a different team I chose a word I felt would represent this time, JOY. 

JOY is defined as “the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying.”

I had no idea how this word would haunt me. 

During the first few months on the race I learned how “the joy of the Lord is my strength” (Psalm 28:7).  I found a peace and happiness that transcended all understanding. It’s what gave me energy, what drove me, what kept me going.

Then suddenly…it was gone.

It happened quickly, and before I knew it, I was in a dark place. Missing my home, pitying myself and dripping with cynicism and anger.

Change is hard, I mourned the loss of my first team. Holidays are hard. I missed my family and the comforts of all my American traditions. The World Race is hard, but not in the way I thought it would be. I love my community, however I’ve lost all independence, all control on the World Race. I was beyond frustrated.

So here we were, sitting in this amazing haven, warm and clean and TIRED. I looked around at the other teams working here and felt…empty. I have nothing left to give. Which is absolutely true, when I’m relying on my own human flesh…

BUT GOD is a good, good father. He knows the desires of my heart and He is the true source of energy and fruits of the spirit. When I found myself feeling desperate and dark, He quickly began to bring Joy back into my life. 

It started one hour later, during dinner. Gustavo came out and announced that if we wanted to stay until Christmas, we would be welcomed. Did we want to?! YES YES YES!

He gave us a ministry for the week, Camp Hope. A Christian school for special needs children and adults to learn and receive therapy. My heart lit up, special needs? My favorite group to work with, and something I’ve had a passion for since my time working at Camp JOY in high school. I have been praying for a ministry where I could use my gifts and education with special needs children.

I have been privledged to spend the last week with the most beautiful children I’ve ever seen. Many are orphans who in our worldly standards have “nothing.” Almost all are mentally AND physically handicapped, many have been given up by their families. One was officially surrendered to the orphanage the week we were there, a few days before Christmas.

And yet? Their faces show happiness, laughter, hope, even…can it be? JOY. 

But how? No family, no home, no comforts, no control, NO INDEPENDENCE. 

And yet…so much JOY.

We spent our days playing in the park, feeding the kids, changing them, and cleaning them. I spent time with them doing physical therapy, texture therapy and music therapy. Holding them and loving them as best as I could.

On top of that the other teams we were living with were POURING blessings on us. Washing our dishes, making us holiday treats, praying for us, cleaning after us, inviting us into their worship sessions, opening up their lives to us. It was so humbling to see the way they served with endless JOY.

My heart was so satisfied, so full and yet…so sad? Still, I felt bleak, like a shell. What is wrong with me? I’m over this. I want MY friends, MY family, I want to do MY own thing again. I want MY life back.

We said goodbye to the kids our last day, gave a card to the teacher thanking her and telling her how much we loved her. I left Camp Hope feeling…well hopeful, but still no JOY. Even with all I wanted finally at my fingertips…something was still missing.

Christmas Eve was the day JOY came back into my world. 

I spent the morning praying (something I had neglected for awhile) and after a time of nothing, I cried out in frustration. “Why won’t you talk to me? What do you want me to do??” 

“Just love me.”

Oh…crap. It’s easy to surrender MY life to Him…until it’s not anymore. He wants our love when it’s easy AND when it’s hard.

So, choose JOY?

No…choose Him. Every day. He is the ultimate source of JOY, He IS JOY. Choose Him and you will receive a source of JOY so deep it will never run out.

Whether you are enjoying a luxurious Christmas in New York, getting tan on a Florida beach, sitting on a bench eating popcorn with your teammates, or in a warm bed in an orphanage…even if you have everything you need…without HIM, you still have nothing. 

A few hours with Him, and JOY came flooding back into my life.

Shortly after, we were beyond thrilled to find out about an english speaking church holding a Christmas Eve service, something we hadn’t dared to hope, especially not in English! It was a beautiful taste of home and tradition, and the pastor’s parting words for us? “I pray you find JOY during this holiday season.”

I have, but I don’t refer to it as “JOY” anymore, I prefer to use His name…Jesus.

Psalm 149:3 “Let them praise His name with dancing; Let them sing praises to Him with timbrel and lyre.”

John 15:11 “These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full.”

Sending so much love from Ecuador! I hope you have a Merry Christmas and a JOYOUS New Year!!