Ok confession time. I need to be real honest for a minute and admit that since I signed up for the Race, it hasn’t exactly been a worry-free time of trailing butterflies through meadows and dancing barefoot in the rain (although how awesome does that sound for real?). Contrary to what people think, I have NOT been counting down the days until I leave everything I’ve ever known behind.
PLEASE don’t misunderstand me, I know this is God’s will for me. In fact, I have never been more sure of anything in my life, and I have no doubt that this experience will forever change me for the better. That is AWESOME TO ME!
But here’s the problem, I LOVE my life (which is a great problem to have I know!!) However, it IS a problem in that it causes me apprehension as the Race continues to get closer. I applied to the Race at a particularly low time in my life. I was lonely, lost and searching for meaning and satisfaction. I was desperate to know God in a more personal way. As I continued seeking a relationship with Him, He suddenly revealed my next step. THE. WORLD. RACE.
After making that commitment however, I began to look around and understand how fortunate I truly am. I realized how much I love going to work every day because the people there are my family and we have so much fun together. I have the most incredible friends and I can’t imagine doing life without them for an entire year. My family and I have a great relationship and I have the sweetest dog. I’m happy! So oh crap, I suddenly wondered, “what have I done?” Quickly my excitement was overshadowed by regret, and then fear…
I felt God whisper to me, “this is what it really means to sacrifice. Following me shouldn’t be the easy way out, but I promise it will be the best way for you.” So I took a deep breath and decided to trust Him, even when it scares me. Especially when it scares me.
Earlier this month, I was in Atlanta at Passion, a Christian convention for young adults. I cannot begin to describe how God used this time to work on my heart. Throughout the weekend, every moment seemed to weave together for an incredibly personal experience with Him.
Out of the many things I learned, one thing that particularly stood out to me was this idea that there is a difference between weight and sin. Sometimes, you have to cut the weight (even when it is good) if it is keeping you from doing God’s will. Because not all “good” things are “God” things. Ok, so…MIND BLOWN! As much as I love my life right now, it is only a chapter in a much greater story. I understand so much better that the greatest achievement we can have on this earth is to be His servant, and I feel incredibly humbled that God thinks I’m worthy of teaching others about Him. (You can watch the full message by Christine Caine here.)
So this is my confession; I am doing the World Race and I’m terrified. But I’m not doing it alone. As comfortable as I have become under all this weight, I won’t get very far tied down. I will happily cut the ropes knowing He is in control. For without them holding me down, I know I can fly.
Isaiah 40:31 “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
This was very encouraging to me this morning. I can relate to this post in many ways right now and it makes me wonder if I also have unnecessary weight in my life that is keeping me from experiencing God to the fullest. I watched part of Christine Cains message that you linked. I love her. It seems like it was an awesome conference
Koral, so glad to know this had meaning for you, Christine is one of my favorites as well! Passion really was a great experience and gave me peace of mind for the Race!
I LOVE this!! I always reference the scripture that says, “those that put their hand to the plow and look back are not fit for the kingdom” (luke 9:62) and say that doesn’t mean that tears can’t be streaming down my face as I push forward! I have always found that our Father isn’t a taker and when He takes, He takes only to give!! It’s true!! We really die, give up, and surrender and He always gives back in beautiful, huge, unimaginable ways!!
Oooohhhhh I love that verse!! I totally agree Destiny. If we would just step out in faith, not only will God catch us, He will take us somewhere we could never have imagined!
What an encouraging reflection of your journey to this point. I can’t wait to read how God continues to stretch you and grow you as you complete the fundraising process (a daunting task in itself!), go through your rigorous training this summer and become lifelong friends with your fellow racers.
I’m so excited for the ways God is leading you and how He’s prepared you to take this leap of faith.
Thank you so much for the kind words Heather!! So excited to share this journey with you!!
Dear Sweer Emily, what a joy it is to read the honesty, rawness, intense emotions you are feeling – it is so surreal!! I am excited for you as you continue to prepare yourself and your family for this journey – God has so many adventures in front of you. Yes some will be challenging, some will elicit pure joy while others will bring you to your knees with a heart being broken and humbled. But in each adventure God is leading you – directing your steps. There is so much to learn and to experience … WOW!! I look forward to hearing your heart as you go through this – and to see and read about the changes in you and through you during the process. Once again I am extremely excited for you and proud of you. It’s funny, but the other day a memory came back of when you first came home from the hospital as a new born baby and we visited – ok truthfully I couldn’t wait to hold you. And now just look at you!! Oh Lord, thank You for Emily’s walk with You and for her desire to seek You in all things!! Watch over her and create in her all the characteristics You have created her for!! Amen.
WOW. Thank you so much for those encouraging words! What an awesome reminder of the amazing support system and prayer warriors I have. Thank you for being a part of this journey, I am so looking forward to sharing this experience with you! I know it will be life-changing, and I’m so excited that you are a part of it.