Never Say “I’m Sorry”

I will always remember a conversation I had with my squad leader, Destiny, during my first year on The World Race. “Never say “i’m sorry”, she said to me, instead say “forgive me.” She explained that by adjusting the language you completely change the dynamic. Making a statement such as “my bad” or “sorry about that”  avoids conversation. When you ask for forgiveness, an action from the other person is required. You humble yourself completely and offer the other person a choice. It is up to them now to forgive you. By saying “i’m sorry” for a grievance you have caused by your sin, you take away an opportunity for them to decide for themselves whether to respond or not.

Since that conversation, I have always made a conscious effort to ask for forgiveness, even on the smallest of things, instead of brushing someone off with a statement. It changes everything, creating a chance to partner with the other person in moving forward together. It is equally humbling and rewarding every time.

During our last week in Kyrgystan we spent time as a squad “debriefing” the last few months together. Traveling the world with a group of young people seems magical from the outside, but the reality is messy, difficult and exhausting at times. Teams are made up of people from diverse backgrounds and upbringings, each person has a completely different set of values and norms. They are now asked to work together, travel together, and live together for eleven months. The teams have one budget. Do you know what that means? You can’t buy ANYTHING with team money without your people knowing and giving the “ok”. That means you decide what to eat together, where to live together, what shampoo to buy, what items are essential and nonessential, when to work and take rest…the list goes on and on. To say this is a shock to the typical independent, American-raised young adult, is a massive understatement. 

If left unchecked, frustrations and resentment towards one another will build, passive aggresive comments fly and assumptions from lack of direct conversation will grow into an overflowing pile of mistrust, anger and bitterness. The trick is this, you are still living with these people for several more months..this is not a ride you can get off of when it stops being fun, your endurance and perserverance are tested to the max.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”-James 1:2-3

Do you continue to live in an unhealthy way? Do you continue hurting people and hurting yourself by refusing to sacrifice your wants and desires to serve your team well? Do you continue ignoring how the Lord has called you to live and to love one another?

You can, and live miserably with no one to blame but yourself, or, you can choose to repent. 

The repentance (metanoia) called for throughout the bible is a summons to a personal, absolute and unconditional surrender to God as Sovereign. Though it includes sorrow and regret, it is more than that. When we sin, we turn away from God, choosing to go where He cannot, but in repenting, we make a complete change of direction (180° turn) toward God.

“Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord” -Acts 3:19

Honestly, as challenging and emotionally taxing as this process can be, it was an incredible week. To watch these people I have come to love so fiercely look at one another and say phrases such as, “I want to die to myself more to love you well”, “forgive me for checking out and choosing not to pursue you when it got hard”, “i think this team is worth investing in, I want to do it better”….like WOW. Such humility, grace, and sacrifice I have never been a part of, and with these words we ushered in a new season as a squad, a season of ENDURANCE.

There is nothing human about this kind of repentance, but the Lord inside of us pushing us to be more like Him makes these conversations possible. It is truly a beautiful experience to be a part of, and makes every point of frustration and exhaustion worth it. It is easy to love others when everything is smooth sailing, but when things get tough? Your true character shines through, and this is when we are truly sharpened and prepared for the daily battle God has called us to fight for one another. I have never seen people perservere with such strength and endurance as this group, and they have reminded me of the unconditional love and relentless pursuit God has asked us to illustrate with one another. We do, after all, have the perfect example of what this looks like in Jesus Christ.