To Live is To Love

After a year of the World Race under my belt, I approached this squad fully confident in my role and what I came here to do. I had real experience, ideas about creating community culture and pressing into people when it was hard and uncomfortable. I was ready to fight for them, teach them and love them with everything I possessed.

But something happened I was not prepared for at all, they loved me back.

For the first four months I was growing in confidence in hearing from the Lord and living out my strengths. The more I invested into the lives of my people, the more I realized how hard they were fighting for me in return.

They would write me encouraging notes, buy me candy bars, spend an extra hour out at dinner so I could have some time at the house on my own, pray for me and encourage me. Listen to me ramble on about movie quotes they didn’t understand, and help me process things I was going through.

This was not part of the plan. I was supposed to get in, love them, and get out fast. Funny the way the Lord works, because calling me to spend another six months with these people was not at all about me loving them…but about them loving me. 

EW. NO NO NO. I don’t need other people’s love, I’m confident in my identity now, just me and my God doing our thing together. 

But He calls us to love and be loved (1 John 4:17-18). The loving part is so easy for me, I can control that…but to accept the love of others? People you can’t predict?  And accepting the unconditional, senseless, crazy love of GOD HIMSELF on top of that? Not so much. Still He reminds me, there is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear. My adamant refusal to accept the love of others has helped me realize how much more I have to learn from this squad. 

I have equated love to pain for a long time. Loss, bitterness, brokenness, and selfishness have all been clothed in the guise of love in many past experiences. In my mind, love ends up hurting people. I am pretty good at stepping away and compartmentalizing, but what about the other person? The lie in my mind is to reject them before they can love me, and by doing so I protect them. However, the love I feel for these individuals is so intense I’m having trouble with the rejection part. All I feel is boundless love, all the time. I cherish them and the moments we share together. I put my arm out to hold them at a distance, and just end up grabbing their hand and holding them close instead.

My motto for about a year now has been “free people free people”. It’s good, yah? Has a fun ring to it. I should save people because the Lord has opened my eyes and now it is my job to break shackles and set His captives free, rip off blinders and give them freedom. Right? 

WRONG.

I came into Z squad excited to bring freedom to people. Eager to love on them and fight for them in whatever way they needed me to. What I was not prepared for was the way they would love and fight for me in return. The way they would teach me and encourage me and point me back to Christ.

Galatians 5:1 says “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.”

Christ? As in Jesus?

Wait, it isn’t for freedom that Emily has set us free? No, no it is not. And if I live my life seriously believing that then I am in for an alarming wake up call. 

I do not have the power to free people, that is JESUS. Thankfully, He lets me show people what freedom looks like, He lets me share about Him and all He does for me. He even lets me throw a lifeline out to people, but as far as actually saving them? That’s all Him.

Everything in me wants to do this life alone, except for one really huge, overpowering thing living inside of me, that Jesus guy. He keeps prodding me to ask for help, to invite people into my heart. Little by little, I am trying. I am incredibly thankful for a longer season with my tribe, they are truly a gift from the Lord and they teach me something new every day.

Matthew 14:29-31 “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

To Love and To Be Loved. It’s risky behavior for sure, but I know that if God is calling me out upon the water, He will certainly be there to take my hand.

So really, it’s no risk at all.

I still need $5,000 to stay with this family the Lord has called me to love and to be loved by. Please consider giving me a perfect holiday this month by helping me stay with all of my favorite valentines!!