With Hesitant Obedience

Armenia, Week One

Our first Sunday in Yerevan the pastor looks over in our direction, “we would love to hear a testimony from someone on the World Race team now”. Classic. My mouth went dry, oh crap. I felt that Holy Spirit nudge that makes me want to hurl more often than not. I knew the Lord wanted me to speak, but I had no idea what to say? Suddenly, all of my stories and experience flew out the window. Let’s dissect this really quick; (1) the pastor wants to hear something exciting we had seen God doing, (2) I have been traveling the world as a missionary for a year and a half…and (3) I was completely blank.

The seconds crawled by, and resolved to my excuse that I couldn’t share what I didn’t have I stubbornly slouched in my chair, waiting for someone else to take the bullet. My teammate Brittani graciously stood and crushed it with some Jesus stories she had witnessed her first few months of our race. So there you go, the Lord used her to encourage the congregation and I could breathe a sigh of relief, everything was back to normal.

Except it wasn’t.

It was all I could think about. How many times had the Lord nudged me to do something I’ve been unqualified to do? 100 times? 200?

And how many times did He provide what I needed when I stepped out in faith? When I obeyed Him? I knew the answer, EVERY TIME.

2 Corinthians 12:9 says “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

No matter the circumstance, if the Lord calls me to a task He will give me what I need to complete it. Words to say, energy, wisdom, finances, joy, friendship, love. Remember my excuse that I couldn’t think of anything to say? That it wasn’t about my obedience or willingness to try but really just a lack of resources?

Complete. Horsecrap.

I have no doubt that in the second it took me to take my butt off that chair and stand up straight, God would have highlighted several stories to share with the church. The truth is that “the Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged” (Deuteronomy 31:8). He would never ask us to go where He hasn’t already gone. Lesson relearned, thanks Jesus.

I shared with my team this little gold nugget and encouraged them to step up in boldness when they felt the Lord nudging them, to learn from my mistake and to trust that if God asks them to do something, He will give them the tools to complete it. Such a good squad leader, right? Before I had time to pat myself on the back for using my mistake to help others, Preston speaks up. “The pastor asked for us to share a testimony every week, so if you want to talk you still have the chance.”

….wait, what? Excuse me while I go shoot myself in the foot real quick.

Now to put my money where my mouth is.

Armenia, Week 2

It’s that time again. The pastor asks if the World Race team has anything exciting to share, and with a brief look towards my friends I stand up with a burst of adrenaline “Yah, I do!” I admitted to everyone that I felt called to speak the week before and stayed silent out of fear. That I had always struggled with trusting the Lord past my comfort zone, and although I had grown so much during my time on the race, I STILL froze.

I encouraged the church that if they felt God calling them into something, to push past the fear and unfamiliarity of it all and take a leap of faith. That God would bless their obedience and provide what they needed to get the job done. I left them with part of a passage from 2 Corinthians 5. Verses 7-9 says, “For we live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it.”

I sit back down and take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. I’ve come a long way with public speaking, but sttttiiiiillll not my favorite. After the service, one of the young Indian medical students, Deb, approaches me. She shares that she has a big deadline tomorrow, something she has been trying to decide on for weeks. “How did you pick this verse?!“ she asks, “I have been meditating over it for weeks and have been asking the Lord to speak to me in some way. It was as if you were talking directly to me! Thank you for your obedience!!” She was so appreciative, her joy overflowing and contagious. She assured me with delight that she would be sharing this story of how the Lord had used me to speak to her, to grow her faith and mine. Seeds would continue to be planted, long after our teams left Armenia. We prayed together and exchanged contact information.

Can I just say… PRAISE GOD!? Romans 8:28 says “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

(1) He knew I would mess up. (2) He gave me the chance to learn and try again. AND (3) He allowed me the opportunity to encourage and be encouraged by my friend Deb.

What a God we serve. And I will continue to serve, and mess up, and be obedient, and fail, and try again…

and He will continue to show me grace, patience, forgiveness, and unfathomable love.

That’s just who He is. 

With hesitant yet persistent obedience,

Emily

We have finished up our time with this awesome team, and have loved every second of it. Ready to move to the all girls team tomorrow and do the Lords work alongside them. 😀